It's okay not to be okay


Coronavirus. Epidemic. Pandemic... what comes into your mind when you hear these phrases? One year ago when you knew almost nothing about Covid-19, you might have felt a little bit more indifferent towards them. The recent restrictions introduced in Hungary this week have had and are having an impact on the mental balance of all of us. Forced positivity usually does not help on these occasions. It is okay not to feel okay now. But what can you do to survive this state being demanding for many relatively easily? Let's see!

Have you often heard lately people saying: "Everything's gonna be alright." "It could be much worse." "Always look at the bright side of life!" The ones having told you things like these most probably had absolutely good intentions, but with the exclusive "positive energies" they might have done more harm than helped. According to the latest research too much forced positivity does not help, but it is much more toxic. As Natalie Datillo, Boston's leading clinical psychologist says "Toxic positivity stems from the idea that the best or only way to cope with a bad situation is to put a positive spin on it and not dwell on the negative. We tend to undervalue negative emotional experiences and overvalue positive ones." As per a 2018 research including 1300 people those who do not acknowledge challenging emotions will feel worse in the end.

The pandemic is a trying period for all of us. It has brought about many changes and challenges and we have become many many realizations richer regarding our feelings. From certain aspects our lives have been drifting apart, we meet each other more rarely, so it is more difficult to recharge our "rechargeable social batteries". But we also know that many others are feeling exactly the same like we do. We share our feelings of loss, are trying to tackle changes, are feeling lost and trying to stay on our feet in this temporary world. Now you can also allow to be more sympathetic towards yourself, to turn to others more kindly. You can feel free to stay half an hour more in bed if you have the time, sweat it out if it makes things easier for you, you can call a family member or friend if you are feeling lonely or help a stranger. Do what you are feeling deep inside! It is completely okay not to feel perfect now!

So what can you do to face this long lasting and most likely very challenging period easier?

  • Understand that it is not your fault! You are not the cause of this situation, you are only one of the many-many people impacted.
  • Ask for the help of a friend, family member or expert you trust to be able to survive these tought times easier!
  • Focus on what you still have, not what you have lost during the pandemic! One day this period will be over as well, nothing lasts forever!
  • Do not talk too much about the coronavirus! It is important to have a basic understanding of things, but when talking to others it should not be your only topic!
  • Establish an easily followable schedule, do not let overburdening yourself or the pressure of too tight deadlines take over!
  • Let your own mental wellbeing be the priority!
  • Strive for keeping your own internal balance! Separate work from private life!
  • Monitor your feelings! Try to understand your strengths, weaknesses, your most important values and the changes you are going through!
  • Leave your flat for a while and get some fresh air!
  • Listen to songs reminding you of an earlier, happier period of your life or watch movies, which inspire you!
  • It is okay to hope for a better future and to also feel sad about the current situation at the same time! Do not blame yourself for this!
  • You can temporarily put the news aside and stay away from social media sites! If you only concentrate on the most important pieces of information and do not let everything in, you will do your mental health good as well!

Surely you can manage some of these points without issues as well, but in some other cases you might have to tackle challenges. If you are stuck anywhere, please feel free to get in touch with me and I will help you to survive this demanding period easier. As a life coach I am happy to help you preserve your best yourself during the pandemic! Do not forget: it is okay not to feel okay now!

Friendly regards,

Vizdák Károly

lifestyle change & career coach

motivational advisor

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